Love Marriage and Money (Part III)

As a properly functioning marriage evolves, so will its division of labor. There are certain tasks that must be accomplished. Someone will see to it that they get done. Often these tasks fall into the traditional roles of husband and wife. Men tend to accept responsibility for cutting down trees and keeping the cars on the road. Women often do the grocery shopping and the laundry. There are a certain number of financial tasks that must be done if a marriage is going to survive. Once the couple has decided what needs to be done (a statement of work if you will), the budget that will accomplish these goals, and agreement has been reached on some sort of schedule, there is no particular reason why individual tasks should be done by husband or wife. They just need to get done.

In my parents’ house, my mother took care of all the day to day expenditures. She did most of the shopping, for everything. She made sure the checkbook was balanced, that the bills were paid, that my father and I were properly dressed, that the house was presentable, and that food was on the table at appropriate times. My father went to work and brought home the check. On most issues my mother took it from there. Before I appeared on the scene my mother was an accountant. Therefore it was logical that she continued in that role in her marriage. Even now she handles all the taxes. When my father worked as an independent consultant and rented out farm property in another state, taking care of the taxes required a major effort.

If my mother functioned as the CFO of their household, my father was clearly the CEO. My mother could not deal with investment decisions. They just made her too nervous. She could not stand knowing that she had shares of stock that went up and down in value. My father made all the investment decisions. He bought and sold stock, in his youth he built and sold a couple of houses, rehabbed a rental property, and rented out a farm that was given to him by his parents. He also directed the search for and retained the final word on all major purchases such as cars and houses. Of course my mother had input into these decisions, but clearly they were my father’s decisions.

One article I read some time ago broke up financially functioning marriages into several different categories. What I have described above, the author termed a division of labor. More commonly, marriages have a driver and a rider. Either husband of wife takes on almost all of the responsibility for overseeing the family’s financial plan. If one partner is particularly talented or knowledgeable, he or she might take over most of the planning as well as the execution of the family’s finances. This is OK if and only if both partners know what is going on and are comfortable with the arrangement. If you are the driver, make sure your rider knows where you are taking the family. Every month or so tell your partner what you are doing. It might not require more than the statement, “We paid all the bills this month and put $500 in savings,” or “We are in trouble. I wasn’t able to pay off the credit card this month. We have to cut expenses or figure out some way to bring in some more money.” When making a major decision, such as buying a car, or investing in a stock, make sure they understand what you are doing and are onboard with that decision.

According to the author of the article (I can’t find it) a division of labor seems to work better than the driver/rider arrangement. Families that describe themselves as having a functional division of labor tend to be wealthier than other groups. I guess that makes sense. It gives everyone more time to do what they do best. However you choose to work out the details of the financial component of your marriage, make sure you are both in agreement with what is happening and that you examine the results, frequently, to determine if it is working. For example, if you are saving for a down payment to put on a new home within five years, make sure you are staying on track to reach that goal. How you do it is your business. After all it is your marriage.