Happy, Sad, Angry, Afraid, and Ashamed

I am not exactly sure what sequence of events led me to try and help myself and others address life’s common financial issues. Perhaps this started ten years ago, when I found it so difficult to find someone to teach me the basics of systematic investment. Along this path, I was surprised to learn that people are just about as likely to talk about financial problems as they are incidents of sexual dysfunction. This reluctance is not going to help the situation. Psychologists tell us that we can only feel five emotions, happy, sad, angry, afraid, and ashamed. I am not sure I believe that last statement, but for the sake of my argument, OK. I expect the two reasons that most people don’t talk is fear or shame. We are all ignorant about something. Believe me, we all make mistakes, lots of them.

If you have had a problem for any length of time it isn’t likely that it will solve itself. Admitting the problem exists is the first step in finding a solution. Locating someone who knows more about solving the problem than you is the second step. We are a tribal species. We were not constructed to solve problems alone. In finding a helper, first look for technical competence. Then look for someone who likes you but is not too emotionally invested in your success or failure. Typically, for this reason, teenage daughters do not seek fashion advice from their mothers. Finally, avoid commission sales people if the subject touches their livelihood. Anyone who stands to profit from your misfortune is not a good candidate as a counselor. There is an old saying, “Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.”

You are not looking for a guru, a manager, or a parental substitute. You are looking for a friend who is better at one thing than you. That’s all. Would you feel any shame asking an automobile mechanic who attends your church about that weird clunking noise coming out of your transmission? Why do we feel shame when we ask another about that weird clunking noise coming out of our credit card?

Proverbs 11:14

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

What is better than one counselor? Two counselors. Collect as much information from as many sources as practical. This includes both face to face conversations and structured learning from books or canned courses. Share with your friends and support one another as together we progress through this valley of tears.

Consider the proverb, “When a blind man carries a lame man, both go forward.”

There is no end to our ignorance or our need for one another. I have put off writing a will for many years even though I know I need to begin the process of learning about estate planning. My wife and I hold everything in joint tenancy or we are clearly defined as each others’ sole beneficiary. If one of us dies, our financial life is set up to continue without the other. What if we both die at the same time? Then the State of Maryland decides what to do with our possessions after they skim their percentage. I don’t like that solution. For many years we didn’t have enough for this to be all that much of an issue. However, in 1996 I paid off my house. Even back then, I really didn’t want the State of Maryland deciding what to do with my property. Now, fifteen years later, I am finally starting to address that problem in a systematic manner.

Hopefully, you will not waste 15 years pretending that your 800 pound gorilla is not sitting there in your living room waiting to be fed.