Friendship and Networks

In the original movie Rocky confronts Marie, a 12 year old girl at the local corner store. She is smoking cigarettes, using foul language, and hanging out with the wrong kind of people. As Rocky escorts her home he gives her some advice.

“That's the way guys are. They laugh when ya talk dirty. They think you're cute. But after awhile, you get a reputation and that's it. You get no respect. Ya understand? Ya get no respect. I gotta use a bad word - WHORE...You don't really have to be one, you just act like one and that's it. They don't remember you, they remember the rep...You hang out with nice people, you get nice friends, ya understand? You hang out with smart people, you get smart friends. You hang out with yo-yo's, you get yo-yo friends. You see, simple mathematics.”

Connecting with the right people is critically important, particularly when searching for a job. I am not talking the kind of livelong friendships that after your health and your family are your most valuable possessions. I am talking about network friends. These are the kind of friends that make you a better person; the kind of friends who can help you achieve your goals. Don’t expect them to cover your back in a ghetto knife fight. They won’t.

Chinese proverb:

The friendship of officials is as thin as their papers.

I have been OK at networking. I have been reasonably successful at lateral networking and networking down within my organization, but I have never learned how to network upwards. Yes, I know how to keep my boss happy, but how to network into the next level up from my boss? I never learned how to do that. The people who have learned to connect with what is sometimes called a rabbi, a high level patron within an organization, pretty much have their ticket punched.

Decide what you want then find people who are succeeding in the world you want to inhabit. If I really wanted to loose weight and get in better shape, I would join a gym. This would give me an opportunity to meet people who know about exercise; more importantly people who are excited about exercise. Excitement is a contagious disease.

Decide to get rid of the energy vampires in your life. There are some friends that are just not going to help you achieve your goals. If they are attacking the very idea of you who want to become, they just have to go. Likewise, if your habitat is poisonous consider moving. Some locations or jobs are just not right for you no matter how good they might seem to the conventional mind.

Inventory your own assets as a human being. What value can you bring to a network? After all this is a quid pro quo kind of friendship. If you want someone to be of value to you, you need to be a valuable asset to them, “Ya see, simple mathematics.”

Never miss an opportunity to share something of value, even with a total stranger. As Solomon observed, “Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.”

Inventory your existing connections and friendships. If this is unnatural for you go ahead, write a list of who you know and what they might be able to do for you. Begin to question them in an unforced natural way, “I have this problem. Do you know anybody who could help?”

Pick people for your network you really want to have as a part of your life. This is going to require an investment in face time. People are pretty sensitive to this kind of thing. If they think you are a phony who just wants to use them, it isn’t going to work.

Finally in 11 Simple Ways to Create Genuine Connections with the People Who Make Failure Impossible, the author Scott Dinsmore, mentions how he has connected with famous people. I once wrote a letter to a famous author. He actually wrote back. It will only cost you $.45. Who knows, maybe Warren Buffet might tell me something worth knowing, hmmmm….