No Answer

The question comes up again and again, starting when we first ask a child, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Now, I find, as I am closing in on 66 and Social Security, I am still asking myself the same question. I think that can be healthy as long as I remember it is unlikely that God or the universe is going to give me the answer.

I hope that my Calvinist brethren extend me some grace on this subject, but I come down pretty hard on the free will side of that dichotomy. While I am open to the possibility of miracles, I don’t believe that God is generally in the business of telling people where to attend school, what major to choose, who to marry, where to find employment, or the best investments for retirement. Answering those questions? That is our job.

Unfortunately, we all want the “right” answer to those important questions because we know that we are not omniscient, either about the present or the future. The world is a fabulously complex interconnected system. In the present moment, we are an amalgam of everything in our past, our parents, our environment, our experiences, and our beliefs about the nature of the universe and our place in it. Given all those prejudices and short-comings that make me who I am, I have to make decisions to move forward in my life in a universe that I can not possibly understand.

Even if I had a perfect understanding of the present and natural law, I still have no guarantee of finding the “right” answer. Edward Lorenz coined the term, butterfly effect, in his study of chaos theory to describe how a minute change in initial conditions can produce an enormously nonlinear output in complex systems. As the poet says, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray. Most outcomes in scientific as well as sociological experiments are not either/or, but probabilistic in nature requiring the use of statistical analysis to describe and understand the answer.

We make decisions based on our understanding, our metanarrative, the stories we tell ourselves. Then we take action based on those beliefs. Then we get results. Did I get the results I desired, the results I expected? Were my actions wise actions, unwise actions, or sin? I don’t always have enough information to answer those questions. A wise decision can produce undesirable results.

Even if the answer is no answer, there is hope. We can learn from our own experience and the experience of others. We can discern what kinds of actions are likely to produce what kind of results. We can seek out counsel from those who are more experienced, knowledgeable, and successful in some particular area of interest. We can plant and nourish a network of trustworthy friends and family members who will help us in time of need. Then after “talking through” all of the possible options from beginning to the desired outcome, I have to make a decision.

Relax. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be courageous. If you couldn’t possibly know enough to make to make these kinds of life decisions, there wouldn’t be 7 billion of us humans running around on God’s green earth.

I also believe in a God who is there, who wants to bless me and be a part of my life, who will run toward me with open arms if I choose to move even a step in his direction. If this wasn’t so, why would my Savior freely choose to suffer death on a cross for my benefit?