Friday, June 16, 2017
Excuses Excuses Excuses
Occasionally on my morning walks, I cross paths with an English lady out walking her dog. We enjoy chatting with one another about various random topics, so if we are heading in the same direction, we walk together for a few minutes. On this particular morning, she was quizzing me about the semester I spent in the United Kingdom as an undergraduate. I answered all her questions and told her my stories, reliving one of the more enjoyable experiences of my youth. Then she asked a follow up question, “Do you think you will ever go back to England?” My answer was a bit complex, but honest. My wife and I do want to return to the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland, but planning such an adventure seems a bit more complex than it did 45 years ago. I don’t really enjoy driving all that much anymore. I would be up for a high end package tour offering a bus to carry me from a three or four star hotel to castles, cathedrals, or concerts and back again, but my wife doesn’t enjoy living on a schedule. She rather sleep, eat, and tour when and where the spirit moves her. Then I had one of those moments of realization. I told my walking companion, “When we are young our excuse is, “I don’t have enough money.” When we are middle aged we say, “I don’t have the time.” When we are old, we tell ourselves that, “I don’t have the health or the energy to live out my dreams.” She was in total agreement with my observation. Writing this post is hard as it is causing me to relive a variety of failures, disappointments, and regrets. Take a trivial example. I always want to ride a motorcycle. While my parents had control of my life, this was absolutely forbidden with an irrational level of hysteria. Well, to be fair, I was an only child and my father lost a friend in a motorcycle accident. When I was first out on my own, I didn’t have enough discretionary income to buy a motorcycle. A couple of years later, taking on the responsibilities of marriage certainly did not increase my financial flexibility. There was a point in time when I could easily afford to buy a late model used motorcycle, but I really didn’t have the time or an opportunity to learn this kind of skill. I was working full time, going to night school, attending church, practicing Tai Chi, and I was still married. It didn’t happen. Now at age 66, I question my vision, reflexes, and what my injured lower back might think about a motorcycle saddle. Now all I have is a regret, not a serious regret, but when I watch my neighbors riding off on Sunday mornings on their Harleys and their Hondas, I sigh. There are times when it is better to listen to your dreams instead of your excuses. Balancing duty and obligations to others with your dreams of self actualization isn’t always easy, but then who ever said becoming an adult would be easy. Even when you do it right, it won’t be perfect, but don’t fail to give life your best shot. I didn’t have the time to go back to engineering school, so I made time. I dropped out of the workforce for the better part of three years. We had savings. My wife had a job. After the dean saw that I was a serious student, he saw to it that I had a partial scholarship and later, a work study grant. I never had to borrow a dime. While earning my MS in night school, my employer paid for everything but the books. It seems that if you are heading in the right direction, the universe will sometimes decide to help you along. The universe never helped me buy a motorcycle or teach me how to ride, but then I never made the commitment to learn even at the cost of a collision with a Buick. I wasn’t raised to take physical risks. I was also raised to worship at the altar of higher education. Maybe it was never meant to be, but then the results of my life, given my programming, seem, at least somewhat predictable. Be honest with yourself. What excuses are stopping you from taking the next step towards a better life? Can you find a way to maintain your personal integrity, fulfilling your oaths and obligations to others, while stepping out into a future that could be better than anything you could even imagine? Take a baby step toward your dream. See if the universe answers. Do it today.