Children and Money (Part I)

I took a day of vacation on Monday to spend some time with a friend from college who happened to be in town. In the morning before everyone else woke up, I went for a walk over the Post Office to pay a bill. As I was walking across the elementary school parking lot, I spotted a couple of pennies. Of course I picked them up, and then I came up with an idea for a post, children and money. I don’t have any children but, as hard as it may be to believe, once upon a time I was a child. I have a little pamphlet on the subject from Charles Schwab that I saved, thinking that someday in might be of some value to someone. I thought I could use some of the material from that publication and I will. However, as I began to organize some ideas in my mind a great deal of emotional baggage floated to the surface. It seems that sex, money, and family relations are just about the only subjects that carry the kind of emotional clout that stays with us for a lifetime. They are also just about the only subjects we are hardly ever completely honest about, even to ourselves.

Even though I realize the statue of limitations for well intentioned parental errors has long since expired, I still harbor some resentment concerning the way I was taught to relate to money. My parents did not believe in giving me an allowance. When my father gave me money to do something it seemed pretty stupid, like paying me a dime to pick up a wheel barrow load of rocks. I did not have the option of declining this opportunity, even though I could and did earn more money picking up soda bottles on the side of the road. Fortunately, I had a Great Aunt who sent me money and nice gifts from time to time. I am still grateful for what she meant to my life and my relationship with money.

My parents did not want to spoil me and my father was intensely interested in building my character. I believe that children should be given an age appropriate allowance and that it should be used as a teaching tool. It is an opportunity to teach saving for a goal. Deferred gratification is an important life skill. Children should have a limited opportunity to discover the consequences of foolish spending in a safe and protected family environment and of course, children should be taught how to give to others.

Obviously, as children grow older, the freedom and the size of the goals will become larger, especially if the child finds a job. I think that if a teenager works, she should be accorded special privileges and support, such as gas money for the commute. I had a variety of jobs through college and high school and saved every nickel I could lay my hands on. It ultimately did not do me a whole lot of good. My parents would not let me buy a car. My father even made me contribute some of my money towards actual college expenses. Of course on things like books, entertainment, and the like, I was strictly on my own. I could have easily purchased my own car. It would have been less expensive than paying for my own car insurance. I did have to pay for my own insurance before I was allowed to drive the family car. For some reason my parents believed that if I owned a car, I would flunk out of school or kill myself. I believe that preventing me from obtaining the one thing I wanted with the fruits of my own labor was a mistake. I believed that then and I believe it now.

On the other end of the scale, my wife was very badly spoiled by her parents. They did not want her to suffer the kind of deprivations they did growing up in the Great Depression. She had no idea of the value of money as she was always given everything (within reason) she ever wanted. It made for some interesting interactions in the early days of our marriage.

It seems that somewhere between these two extremes there must be a child specific golden mean.
Ephesians 6
[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
[2] Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
[3] That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
[4] And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.