Who Has Your Back?

After the annual Christmas vacation and a bout with the flu compounded with bronchitis I hope I can get back on a more normal schedule with the blog. Sometimes I am a little surprised at how some subjects keep resurfacing as I attempt to better understand the interplay of money and happiness as we walk through this valley of tears. As I watch and listen to those around me, I am becoming more and more convinced that the most critical component to success in life is who shares our life.

Once, a long time ago, I read an interview of Hollywood Henderson, the flamboyant former linebacker of the Dallas Cowboys. He was asked, “If you found yourself in a ghetto knife fight, which of your former teammates would you want covering your back?” Henderson did not hesitate, his answer was Roger Staubach. Henderson explained his respect for a teammate who was a ferocious competitor, who never quit and never compromised, a man who always had your back no matter how desperate the circumstance. After years of involvement with cocaine that lead to prison time, Henderson understood the psychology of a ghetto knife fight. His praise of Staubach was high praise indeed.

So then, who has your back?

The first people to have a high impact on the shape of our life are our parents. Unfortunately, we are not able to select our parents. If nothing else, my parents taught me to spend less than I make, obviously the first step on the road to wealth. They also taught me, more by demonstration than lecture, the simple virtues of hard work, deferred gratification, and a healthy fear of debt. I have incorporated all of these early lessons into my life to a greater or lesser degree. Other parents have taught their children how to create wealth, a skill at least as important as the ability to manage and conserve wealth. Some parents have taught their children that their happiness is connected to conspicuous consumption setting them up for a lifetime of debt and unhappiness. Some parents even manage to teach their children that some things are more important than money, status, or success.

The single most important financial decision you will ever make is your selection of a spouse. At one point during my bout with the flu, my head hurt so badly I did not want to watch TV or read, so instead, I chose to listen to Wayne Dyer lecture on how to get what you really want. I certainly do not agree with everything Dyer has to say, but I find him a thoroughly entertaining lecturer who really does make me think about why I believe what I believe. Near the end of the lecture, he wanted to make certain his audience understood he was not talking about manifesting the miraculous appearance of a BMW in your driveway, after hearing what he had to say about bringing thoughts into the material world. However, he wryly observed his wife seemed rather adapt at materializing her desires in the material world. He laughed at his own joke and added, “You husbands know what I mean.” Indeed, the wife of a famous wealthy writer and lecturer is better positioned to manifest a BMW in her driveway than most of us.

Different kinds of friends enter and leave our life. Two examples from scripture are the four friends who tore the roof off a house in an effort to lower their sick buddy into the Master’s presence. These are friends who are a constant part of our life over many years. We all have friends who have covered our back on many occasions. Usually, there are not many of these friends who meet the definition given in Ecclesiasticus, “A faithful friend is the medicine of life; and they that fear the Lord shall find him,” but thankfully they are there when we need them. A second kind of friend is covered in the parable of the Good Samaritan, someone who enters our life at a critical juncture, steering us in the right direction at the right time or perhaps even saving our life. Yes, sometimes a total stranger will cover your back when you are most in need.

So take a moment and run an inventory of the friends in your life. What do your friendships cost? What have your friends given you? What have they asked for in return? Who has your back? Most of our so called friends hold the same beliefs and opinions we hold. As Doctor Phil says, “Is that working for you?” Or are the friends who do not always agree with us, who don’t always tell us how much we suffer, and aren’t afraid to slap us upside the head, the people who have brought the greatest light into our lives.

If you are honest, I think you will find that the spiritual calculus of friendship has nothing to do with double entry bookkeeping, for sometimes in giving we receive more from a friendship than we could possibly imagine.

Mark 10

[29] And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's,
[30] But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.
[31] But many that are first shall be last; and the last first.