This experiment began several years ago when I received a brochure in the mail advertising silver bullion coins as an investment vehicle. The “hook” was, “We will sell you two silver eagles for the price of one, if you agree to read our special report on silver.” When I saw this, I thought, “I could give one of these coins to a friend who was having money problems as a touch point for her prayers.” I sent her a coin and a notebook with instructions. Every day we prayed that the Lord would grant her wisdom in the area of finance. Every day she made an entry in her notebook.
The initial experiment was extremely successful. At the end of six months, her attitude towards money was radically different. She began to systematically eliminate her consumer debt. She changed some behaviors that were sabotaging her financial situation. Then towards the end of the six month experiment, she was able to move into her own home for the first time in her life.
Finally, when the participants are ready, they will give their coin with a blank notebook to a friend or a family member who is ready to change their relationship with money. In this way, friendship and blessings will keep flowing forward forever, even into eternity.
Happiness has been defined as the ratio of reality divided by your expectations. If life turns out better than you expected, you are happier than if your life proved to be a disappointment.
Consider: If a young man grows up in some sinkhole of rural poverty where none of his relatives ever held a permanent full time job, his expectations and those of his family would be pretty low. If this individual opens and operates a successful motorcycle repair and customizing shop in a nearby city, not only would he be excited by his success, but his family would likely consider him a jewel. If a young man who was the son of a famous New York City heart surgeon, dropped out of high school to learn how to paint skulls on motorcycle fuel tanks, his mother would most likely require years of psychiatric counseling and he certainly wouldn’t be welcome at family events.
It’s tricky this interplay between expectation and reality. If we set our expectations too low, it is pretty much a certainty we will never achieve all that we could become. If we have unrealistic expectations, we are setting ourselves up for unhappiness and disappointment. Although this is a personal finance blog, this problem appears in every aspect of life.
People who believe they can never get ahead of the repo-man are likely to remain in poverty, because they will be unwilling to take actions necessary to break out of the debt trap. The problem is complicated by not only their expectations, but the expectations of their friends and family.
I suspect that one of the reasons that 78% of all professional football players are bankrupt or in financial distress within two years of retirement is a deep seated unconscious belief that they can’t become rich or they don’t deserve to be rich. The average NFL player earns $1.9 million a year. If this player has a five year career about $10 million might pass through his hands. If he could manage to hold onto $5 million, an unimaginative group of index funds could assure his family of a $200,000 a year income for decades if not in perpetuity! While that salary won’t put you in the 1%, it will put you in the top 5%, not too shabby, especially in an area of the country with a low cost of living.
We all seem to have some spot in our lives where we limit our own ability to succeed or enjoy happiness by self limiting beliefs, fear of what others will say about us, or simple self sabotage to avoid the effort and risk involved in any attempt at self improvement.
What if I fail?
All too frequently, I hear highly intelligent, sophisticated individuals with two or three college degrees tell me they can’t learn the basics of investing their money. Usually these statements of personal inadequacy are accompanied with rapid negative shakes of the hands and head. “I just can’t think that way.”
Really, not much thought is required. Automatic deposits to a target date fund appropriate for your age will put you so far ahead of most of your peers, that at age 65 you won’t even be able to see them in your rearview mirror.
However if you believe money is evil, your subconscious or even your conscious mind might decide it doesn’t want to bring evil into your life.
If you believe that getting ahead is a form of treason to your family and friends, chances are you won’t go back and get your GED.
What’s holding you back? No matter where we are in life, we can do better in some dimension of what it means to be a self actualized human being. Listen to the words you are telling yourself when you start to dream about something better. If you hear words of discouragement and fear, perhaps there is a problem that can be addressed by a change in your expectations.
Could a little rise in your expectations change your behavior?
Could a change in your behavior change your reality?